21 year old crisis

Yes I think that's the crisis I'm facing now. -_-

HAHAS!

Future.
To enter the workforce is no doubt a very scary thought.
perhaps the scariest thing of it all is to enter into that pithole.
no matter how hard there are somethings i can't change, i realize towards certain things i just get super stubborn!!! i don't usually stop halfway, once i start i end it. that's the reason why someone who doesn't like sports that much remain in badminton for 4 years. my braces, i refuse to accept that fact, i kept thinking that it might change, after more adjustment it might just turn out well.

I guess it applies to my guitar too, i attend lesson for a year learning really nothing much, i shouldn't only have these knowledge given the grade i am at right now. it all goes to my guitar teacher for pushing me for exams, and surprisingly my fingers can move and ok im quite shocked by myself sometimes. i am far from average, but i think if i stay true to myself, perhaps what i've got right now is the best of the best that i can get given the effort i've put in.

working hard for the exam, but still not very hard. i need to be very patient, perhaps i have to play the same thing over and over again for 100 times then i can get it right, but still not perfect. perhaps to reach perfect, that will take another 1000 times. that is a level that i can't attain and i can only try hard to reach the maximum that i can right now.

i want to get over with this exam asap and then learn all the things that i missed out, my chords can't make it. i want to know more about music, gain more knowledge and insight. read more, see more, hear more! i think i need to work hard on this on my own, no more running man?! that is super addictive, my daily entertainment. =D

one year, one year later i will graduate. what kind of job do i want? what kind of life?
what is it that i really want?
do i really know it?
i think i do?
but can i do it?
will i go about doing it?
i've spent years thinking, what i've done?
is it really time now?
will i want to continue taking guitar exams after this? will i have the time? what kind of job can fulfill all that i want? will i be able to have both things tgt at the same time?
there are many question mark.

perhaps ur answer to me is that i stop all these questioning and start doing any bit that i need to.

what is it that i need to do right now?
what kind of life do i want exactly?

happiness.

my very own definition towards it, what do i want in life, my future?
i want to seek a kind of simplicity. possible?

it is not that im emo now, im not like depressed, im just troubled. there are things that i cant figure out and have no answers to. that kept me thinking, seeking for the solution. i am not down, really ok, just need to sort somethings out. which i think is really normal for me given my personality. i think a lot, but not in pessimistic/negative/bad ways. i expect more from myself now that im already 21. i dont want to live my life this way, i want to do more.

i am a very fortunate girl, i know that. i am not complaining that im not, it is just that i want to do something for myself? the future is in my own hands right? i hope my life has a better meaning to it. i've reached this crossroad, knowing that my youth will be gone sometime, knowing that life is really short and if there's anything that i ever wished or dreamed for, it has to be done NOW before they really become the past and who knows, doomsday.

if i do nothing to my life right not, i don't think that's called contented or satisfaction, it is wasting my life away. i hope they are not just hope.

i have a personality that contradict. HAHAS!
and i will just stop here not knowing if i should just end it here, =/
lazy to blog the rest down, or perhaps i've been repeating them for like a dozen times or more already? LOLS!

change ain't easy and it might be difficult.
but that is happening all the time.
the sky is the limit.


because i found that joy back again, i always found it back when i was lost. that dint really guide me out of the maze, in fact it leads me to another complicated playground... well~ that joy that i've found is going to push me on for quite some time again. =)

i always forget!!
but i always remember i have you, you and you. =)
lalalas, <3
(yes for you reading this)